17 December 2023

What a year this 2023 has been!

 Finally, some time to write this blog about 2023.


It has been a great year, full of ups and downs.  On the up, it is great to have seen my latest book been published.  My encounters with ritual and systems thinking, yielding valuable insights that I hope will inspire others.




I found a great creative writing group, in which I have felt at home.  At times though it has been my own fear of not fitting in that has stopped me from being fully present there.  But overall, this group has helped me value my feelings and ways of expressing them.  Together with my other well being groups, I have become more accepting of who I am, something that seems to becoming difficult (or easy?) as years go by.  I have been giving myself permission to be more artistry and poetic.  Coming from an engineering background, and also an anxious background, it is a daily permission I need to give to myself. No need to replay tapes about the past too much, specially my old anxious reactions.  There is always choice. Difficult to believe, more difficult to put in practice!  I will try not to control the outcome of what I say or do.  


The children are growing up.  Accepting that they are becoming independent, and unique persons on their own has also been a challenge.  They keep surprising me. Sometimes I wonder if or how I am one of the people who see them grow, guiding them whenever possible.  Life gives us unexpected turns and things.  Perfectionist by heart, permission accepted not without fear.  Creativity can come to the rescue of souls like mine.  It won't do the homework for me of having to accept things as they are, but could help me make the best of such things.  


Our world is in wars.  They look unjust, unfair, as if ruled by pernicious Gods.  We are not in ancient Greek times anymore.  We are supposed to be rational and just, after all these years since.  But we still act as if we want myths to be re-lived.  But hey, we are also more creative, and our creativity is also fuelled by artificial intelligence (AI).  Possibly the most searched and discussed topic nowadays.  Again, whether we make reasonable or good use of it is up to us.  


My book on ritual and systems thinking (again it is me still excited about it!) has helped me to understand a bit more how we need ritual, its features of opaqueness and redundancy, its uncertainty of outcome, how we can use ritual to better feel at home in the face of uncertainties, and how we do not need to rationalise them too much (even if there are now claims about the well-being benefits of ritual).  We are part of societies that perpetuate certain rituals.  And we are not to take ourselves too seriously.  Not even in the face of this or other pandemics.  We can be resilient, we just need to unload unnecessary fears I think.  


The year 2024 comes in a few days.  A friend has just told me how uncertain it looks.  Yes it does.  I can only wish for one thing: Let us try to just be here and now.  Hope is still there, it has been.  Maybe this is what our end of year with a very important birth is about.  



18 September 2022

Catching up


I am trying to catch up with life after attending a conference.  Am not succeeding much and found myself disoriented.  Trying to establish new routines and discarding old ones, like changing seasonal clothing.  


Some new routines and resolutions seem to help, at least for the time being. For instance, deciding on being with my son for his new sporting adventures.  Let us see if I succeed in protecting my time to do so, and if my energy levels help.  


There are systemic factors influencing us all, I think, how we live each day, and somehow inviting us to keep up the pace.  I call them systemic because they influence work, family and other stuff in my life.  Just to name a few: 


  • National mourning  
  • The media and the news raising concerns about energy crises and cost of living.  
  • The new academic term coming soon.  
  • Emails that normally would not be received another time.  


In the midst of preparations for the new academic term, I feel anxious.  As in a dream where a race or an event has started and am still trying to find my bearings and not succeeding in being there.   I try to join others, only to get lost.  Buildings, elevators, roads, I travel.  Familiar places look confusing.  


Not all is lost I think.  In the dreams I accept that I have my own pace and style to catch up.  I somehow find it satisfying to slow down.  Like in a bike race many years ago when I decided that I was not going to win it, but was going to complete it.  And so I did.  Arrived within the time limit.   It felt rewarding, it felt complete.  And it was not a dream. 

So much for catching up.  I think I will let life catch up with me instead of the other way round.  Like the bike race, will try to pace myself...




20 August 2022

Routines and Smells

I am now sitting outside in the back garden.  A fresh current of air is passing by.  Windows and doors are open.  Felt the need to have fresh air at home.


Routines for this summer.  Waking up, getting ready, enjoying breakfast whilst listening to whatever the others are listening to.  And later on, going out to get something to cook.  Looking at people, looking at myself.  How we all get in an out of places, as if we had a clear plan for the day and with little time to spare.  




More routines.  Writing and meeting, checking work.  Taking twins to parks or sports centres.  Answering emails and ensuring bills are paid.  Fighting with the delivery people.  Trying not to be too absorbed by what I read.  Catching up on TV series or movies that were there.  Reading a couple of books now and then.  





Smells of quietness and change.  Now thinking that this rest of year things will be different.  Not wanting to have much of things outside my control.  Accepting perhaps that this is an illusion.  Dry air, humid air.  Quietness.  Noise I do not normally take the time to listen to.  



This summer I have tried to let go of worries and deadlines whenever possible.  I have partially succeeded.  Different routines and different smells, that seems to have helped.