Paradoxical Creativity

Those of us who decide, consciously or unconsciously, to welcome creativity in our lives, are learning how paradoxical this could be.

Creativity, aiming to do something creative, or studying ourselves as potentially creative beings, we do often do so with the conviction that we have been called to do so.

Only that this call is made to many.

We feel uniqueness, being blessed or cursed, as if we are not in full control of our actions.  

And yet, with some practice and habits (as I wrote earlier in this blog), we learn to cultivate some ways in which we feel 'in the driving seat, of that inspiration, a silent driving to destinations we don't know.

Elizabeth Gilbert writes in her book "Big Magic", that there are forces making the above possible (the welcoming of the call, the working silently).   As human beings we are to respect and cultivate such forces in what Gilbert calls a partnership.  

We are to trust such forces, as we trust when we love someone.   We are to make sure that we do not scare them with our anxieties, fears or attempts to over control them.

We are to respect them, if they decide to leave us, temporarily, whilst they find better hosts, whilst we regain our sense of awe to the universe, whilst we regain our trust in them.

With creativity, we stop thinking too much about ourselves, and let enjoyment take over, but not to the point of harming our bodies or other beings.   

We are to host creativity, look after it, but also look after ourselves, our financial and economic sanity.

The more we are able to understand this paradoxical creativity, and treat it like a good old friend who wants the best for us, and who cannot be told exactly who to be friends with, the better.

The wonders of creativity have made Gilbert's book possible, and I believe they have made my own contributions possible too.  

In my new project, I am hoping not to scare creativity away with the demands of daily life.   I also hope not to obsess with it.  Rather I hope to continue working on it, sanely and in tune with forces that I cannot control.   

That, perhaps is the biggest challenge.  To do so with enjoyment and gratitude. Even if the end result is not only mine, or unique.   

Dear creativity, let us sit together in silence, and let us keep working.  

My creativity syndromes

After my last post on creativity habits, which I hope sound positive and encouraging, now I would like to share my 'negatives' about creativity.   I decided to call them syndromes, as this last word seems to be more recognized and acknowledged.

A sticker from Hyper-Japan Fair,2019

My creativity syndromes are certain habits and ways of thinking about myself and the world that do not help me.  In a nutshell, they keep me with fear and doom about my creative work.   They are now easy to spot, but difficult to manage, specially because they are ingrained in how I think about myself and the world around me.   

I seem to have acquired them when growing up. They probably helped me for a while, but now they seem to be in the way of me trying to live more creatively.    They drain my energy, and make me feel miserable at times.  

Because of these and other reasons, they need to be identified. So here they are:   

• Misplaced loyalty: I tend to overcommit to clans or tribes.   My commitment of saving the world by writing about it often leads me to say yes without thinking too much.   I give my allegiance to people and causes which, after a while, end up draining my energy because they do not align with my inner values or motivations.   I overdo helping those who have trouble in their academic careers, those with few friends, those who insist in working with me or those who praise me. I create unbalanced relationships in which I am willing to give more than what I receive. 

• Perfectionism.  I grew up thinking that I could become one of those ancient Kings (including Jesus Christ) that I read about in a book of Sacred Religious Catholic history: Noble and helpful, one which never complained and did good to everyone around; never tired, living according to high moral standards.  When I talked about this to a psychotherapist many years ago, he told me that I had a wrong idea about being 'good':  Jesus Christ expelled those who were trading in a sacred place!. It is difficult for me to accept failure and I fear failing.   So I often decide not to try, specially when there is strong competition around me. However, I also react when I see that things are not right.  

• Being an imposter.  I keep thinking:   Did I really deserve praise?   Do people really value me or my work?  Combined with the above misplaced loyalty and perfectionism, I have these moments of anxiety where I decide that what I do is not enough and I fear that someday, someone is going to 'find out', so I work harder.  

Life has taught me (sometimes the hard way), that these syndromes are not good for my health and thus for my creativity.   I now recognize more often and earlier when these syndromes show up. When they do,  I try to give myself a hug and say:  I am OK, I am good enough.   Work is just work.   Life is bigger than this or that situation.

I recently heard someone suggesting that we need to look at our relationship with both success and failure, so that we keep a balance in the stories about these guys that we entertain in our minds.   Wise words...

This guy will always make me feel special

I also try to remind myself now and again that what I creatively do has to do with my own personal values, and that they are good enough.   When I feel anxious, I talk to loved ones, to colleagues that do not take life too seriously, to people who know what I have been through or .  Or even if they do not know, they who are not judging me as hard as I judge myself.

To my dear creativity syndromes:   You are welcome to visit, but not to stay too long, I have more important things to do in life, and that includes being creative!

My creativity habits

Since reading Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi's book "Creativity", and also taking an online course on creativity, innovation and change in 2015,  I have been encouraged to develop my own habits to nurture my creativity.

Csikszentmihalyi's book refers to habits that could help a person develop and maintain an adequate environment to work on his/her creativity,  whatever that might be.   This includes finding a good space (physical and timewise); combining work with other activities (for example playing a musical instrument); learning to say no to things that could take our mind away from our creative projects; and even having a car decorated in ways that reflect who we are as creators.

The online course I took encouraged me to develop deliberate practices or activities that I would not normally do or which would take me out of my comfort zone.   So one day, I went around the neighborhood walking in my pajamas!  And I took to do drawing and painting, because I wanted to find other ways to express my self.   People who visit my office can see some of my works of 'art', and often they praise my kids for them!

Virginia Water Lake

For me creativity now is what I do, an effort to walk the talk, an effort that also involves my well being as I said in my book.   I do not walk on my pajamas but I cycle whenever I can.  I have painted my office to make it more lively.   I also have some hiding places (mainly cafes) where I do my writing and thinking.  I also go to a nearby lake (Virginia Water) to have a walk and wind down when I feel stressed.  

And I am learning to say no, or to say yes with conditions. This helps me not to feel overwhelmed or guilty, and increasingly to have more realistic expectations about my creativity, work and life in general.  So for instance I am now beginning to take longer holiday breaks, and accepting that this is to be the case whether my perfectionist mind likes it or not.   This has not been easy to learn and still is one of my biggest challenges in life.   I was brought up to face up to any challenge, so I am learning and unlearning about myself in this regard. 

My folders for a new book project

In addition,and as the choreographer Twyla Tharp suggested in her book about the Creative Habit, I keep a 'box' in order to 'think outside the box'.  So I have several folders where I store notes or articles that I want to use for my next book(s).   The folders are decorated with stickers of my favorite movies (star wars, alien, ghost in the shell, yamato).  A good and also relaxing routine is to (re) organise the content of these folders, moving things around.  That also helps me remember what I am doing and why I am doing it.

Finally, in my mobile phone and tablet I use Evernote, a nice app that helps me write notes on the go, so I do not forget what I was dreaming about or what pops up in my mind when I am least thinking about ideas. When I feel that I am not much motivated, I check the notes that I have written and I edit them.This helps me regain a sense of confidence and purpose in my work

I am certain that creativity can be pursued with these or other habits.    For you reader, you might like to ask yourself what works best to get yourself into a good thinking and acting mood, so you can think of new ideas and make them happen.   I hope this post helps you.   Good luck with your creativity.  And please remember that you are a human being after all!.