Meet the Strongest!

From left to right:

Smiggy (Paul Scholes): Skipper. Very fast on the right hand side of the pitch.

Barker (Ricardo Carvalho). Center and right back. Good at individual marking, was top scorer last season. Before you know it, he will be in front and asking for the ball to shoot.

John (Joe Cole). Middle fielder and multi-tasking player, he likes to corner his opponents. Good leader to organise the team when we are not losing.

Will (bit of Tony Adams, John Terry and Rio Ferdinand). The central nerve of defence. Good at anticipating and supporting attack. Unknown record of injuries.

Ray (Paul Robinson or Pat Jennings?). Very consistent goal keeper, good leadership and encouragement. Hull City FC fierce supporter (his nails have grown again after City's last match)

Me (Arjen Robben with Harry Potter's glasses). Getting fit so far, score good goals. Swear in Spanish when needed. Moody.

Not in the picture (they did not turn up for the match):

• Russell (David Seaman, Gattuso?). Forward and goal keeper. Prefers to play on the left hand side for short periods of time, but this has nothing to do with fitness.

• Nick (Harry Kewell). Mid fielder, nice passess. Please give me the ball, quick!

• Harry (David Beckham). Forward, good goals, or should I say good mathematical equations?

• Lee (J. Carrick, or J. O'Shea with long hair). Mid fielder, fights hard for the ball. A man of a few words and a lot of energy!

• Bryant (Cuatemoch Blanco). Fast in the crossing, very inventive.