Pandemic presence

The lockdowns in our societies have helped bring to the surface how we as human beings think of ourselves as present. Virtual and other technologies have helped us to maintain a degree of presence at work and with geographically distant family.  

I wonder if we have changed our image, what we say or do when being remotely present, and how we have managed our physical presence when it comes to going some places or just talking or doing stuff at home.  

Myself I had not thought of the above as I assumed that I was the same individual when interacting with others.  I was aware of the (mindful) importance to be fully present (easier said than done).  The first lockdown was a retreat to finish writing my latest book and some research articles, and a preparation of educational resources for my job.  I think I maintained presence in my circles, showing myself up at times.  There were nice conversations with old friends that I had not seen for a good while.  And with of course my close relatives.  At times I was also absent minded:  the writing, the preparations, the anxiety, the frustration.  

After this first lockdown ended, I noticed I was missing my coffee meetings with myself (for writing) and with my friend Adrian.  I was also missing meeting my well-being group.  We kept the meetings virtual.   And when the first opportunity came I socially-distant met with these people.  It was good to finally catch up.  

And with second and third lockdowns, I am now thinking that I need their presence somehow, and that I want but often cannot really be present as I would like to.  Work and home schooling make busy and draining days.  

Presence is now a challenge.  Or is it not?  Maybe I am still present, but not in the way I would like to.  It is one thing to talk or listen to my students online (most of whom do not show themselves and only listen), or to have virtual work meetings (in which we follow an agenda and occasionally we joke).  And it is another thing to feel we are ‘there’ in a common space, that we are ‘there’ now, fully engaged, feeding from each other, communing with each other.  

Maybe we would need to accept that presence means both of these things.  That we are and we are not present.  That one cannot be with the other.  

We are all trying to be present, perhaps we just need to be less demanding of what we want to achieve.