I am about to finish reading Ken Robinson's "Finding your Element" book.This year of 2021 I have given myself time to think about my vocation. This book has been very helpful to let me understand myself a bit more. It has useful exercises to get the reader to think about talents, aptitudes, attitudes, passions and other aspects of our personality. It encourages reflection and self honesty about things we really want to do and are good at, even if we are to learn them fro scratch.
I studied computer science and systems engineering as it was the right thing to do at the time. During my degree I learned how to program computers, and also to type and write bit more academically. I graduated and went to work on software development, process analyses and software selection.
But something was off. I could not really be happy knowing that there were politics when it came to work with technology users, consultants or software providers. I left a technology career behind and studied systems thinking. I found myself telling my research supervisor that I wanted a life change.
Ken Robinson talks about taking risks when we feel that something is off. In his book he gives lots of examples of people who changed careers, went to live in unexpected places, created businesses or simply turned away from what they were supposed to do in life. To many of these people, comfort signalled a need to move on and engage in what they thought was 'next'.
Robinson encourages people to take risks, given that life is uncertain and far from linear. Taking risks promises that we can all start living more genuinely according to our Element(s) (where passions and talents meet). In my own case, I took a bit of risk by getting into debt to pay for my systems thinking studies. I got the backing of my twin sister that acted as a financial guarantor of a scholarship loan I was awarded. I will be always thankful to her, to my mum, my sister Clara, my other siblings and people who I encountered throughout.
Thanks to life I keep encountering help. My guarantors have helped me to start a new life and to maintain it when things were not going well. Graduating from a PhD with no job on sight and in another country was a challenge I did not foresee: the funny thing was that even getting a funded post-doc was seen as an alien thing by them. This lack of approval affected my mental health and it took some years of counselling to accept that being a researcher was what I wanted to do, despite my previous technology education, my loyalty to loved ones, my anxiety of not being good enough, or my conservative attitude to life (and risk).
I agree with Robinson that life is full of risks. But I now find myself questioning if when taking them we are to involve our loved ones to act as 'guarantors' (the ones picking up the bill if things go wrong). It is worth pursuing one's own passions. But at what cost? And for whom And? And if finding one's Element is not a linear process that could also involving 'going back' according to Robinson, why the rush? Why do we have to do things now? Why the 'now or never' attitude?
As I pose these questions, maybe I am also learning to accept that in our lives there will be always things that are 'off' and that there will be times when we need to live with such things: I am now living with anxiety and that is OK. I did live with problems as we all do. I cannot fully blame my taking of risks for my anxiety although I would say there is a fine line between taking a risk and becoming a neurotic (my therapist's favourite term). In Robinson's account of finding one's Element, there does not seem to be any choice but to pursue it (with guarantors, debts and anxieties involved). Even of that involves small steps. The issue becomes: "do something!". It reminds me of a wrong thing to say when one is mentally ill:"man up, get over it!".
To this choiceless invitation, one my psychotherapists would say something similar: There is no other choice but to be truthful to oneself and professional, so that we measure more carefully what we aim for. There are some anxieties we can live with, and there are others we cannot. And there is no shame in not being able to develop a 'thick skin' about anxieties as Robinson's examples seem to suggest.
Both Robinson and my therapist will acknowledge that some form of 'guarantor' is needed. Lucky if we are able to have them I think. Maybe we need to ask for true help in our lives. Help that tell us what risks are worth taking or when to take them.
So what could be next?
Out of these ideas and also echoing what Gabor Mate says to his younger self, my creative one would say: "Worry, but not too much. There is no need to pursue perfection. Young or old, time is on your side"
And as I finish Robinson's book and review some of its ideas, I find myself feeling grateful for this year of 2021. I can say that I am not yet sure what my Element is. It has to do with connecting people to learning opportunities. It also has to do with slowing down and saying no to things I can do but do not really want to. There might not be big risks yet for me on this. And time is still on my side.
So what could be next for me? Let people do things bit more, let me do bit more of aside art and writing, let me do more walking or swimming if not cycling. Time is on my side I think!
And for you?
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